This is one of the questions we ask all parents to ask their children in our sessions followed up with, ‘What is motivating you most at the moment?’

Two very simple questions but so very important and answers will vary depending on the age/stage and the environments the children find themselves in. We see this a lot when working with young athletes. Young people could well be consistently upgrading their answer.

What they answer today, may be very different to what they say in 3 months time, 6 months time or even 3 years time, meaning the need for regular check ins is essential.

Why do we need to know the answer as parents to these two very simple questions?

Because to collaborate with our children and to be able to help support them effectively particularly on those days when things have not gone according to plan and they are disappointed or are struggling for motivation, one of our hooks into conversation is simply being able to align our messaging with what they have already told us.

In live sessions with both parents and children we can often see misalignment in why parents think they are doing their sport and the reasons the children give.

Particularly, with younger children many will say because it is ‘fun’ and I ‘enjoy’ it, however, what does that actually mean, what is fun and enjoyable for them can be totally different for someone else.

If you look at how young people describe fun in the graphic (wonderful work by Amanda Visek) you can see the wide range of answers that are given. That is why we need to understand and work with our own children, their reasons and their motivations as opposed to trying to tell everyone how they should think and feel.

Great communication, aligned messaging and co-collaboration are just some of the essential tools that we need in our sports parenting toolkit.

Let us know how your children responded?

Was it different to what you thought?

Has it allowed you to reflect on how you are currently supporting?

Despite growing awareness, many of us are still not as open as we could be when it comes to talking
about mental health. We’re often confused by labels, unsure of what they mean, and we tend to nod,
smile, and carry on without genuinely checking in on our mental state or considering how we can protect
and nurture it.

So, this week, I dare you to really think about it — not just for yourself, but for your children too.

As parents, it’s all too easy to forget about ourselves. We’re so focused on our kids’ needs that we lose
sight of the small things that make us feel good. The week fills up quickly with activities for them, and
suddenly we’re glorified taxi drivers (more on that below!).

We often say, “I don’t have time for…” —
whether it’s an exercise class, reading a book, or calling a friend — because we have to do X, Y, and Z.
But here’s the truth: “Have to” is unhelpful language. More often than not, it’s simply not true. You’re
choosing to do those things — and that shift in mindset is powerful. It gives you back control. Be mindful
of the language you use with yourself. Words like “should” and “must” rarely serve us well.

Here are three simple steps to take this week:

Audit your time

You don’t need to overhaul your life — just find two hours in your week for activities that support your
mental health. Be honest about where your time goes (yes, including time on social media). Use the
template attached to help review your schedule.

Model healthy behaviour
Our children need to see us prioritising our own mental health — that’s how they learn to do it for
themselves. Be a model, not a martyr. Start a conversation about what you’re doing this week to take
care of yourself. Then flip the question: What do they need for their own mental health?

Use your travel time

Whether you’re commuting or chauffeuring kids around, use that time intentionally. You could:
• Practice breath work
• Do some exercise
• Play uplifting music
• Repeat positive affirmations
• Call a friend or family member whose energy helps you feel good

Ask yourself: What are you feeding your mind?

Let’s shift the narrative. “Mental health” isn’t a negative — it’s the goal. We want to be mentally healthy,
not just avoid mental illness.

Here’s a reflective task to help you this week and beyond:
Imagine you’re having a great week, feeling calm, content, and mentally strong.
• Who are you spending time with?
• What environments are you in?
• What are you eating?
• What media are you consuming?
• How are you spending your mornings, afternoons, and evenings?

Now, look ahead to this week:
• What do you need to add in?
• What do you need to take away?

This week, give yourself permission to prioritise your mental health — because your mind deserves the
same care and attention you give to everyone else.

I am pretty sure we are, but the reality is that we can be at different ends of the spectrum which can also be affected by that given moment, experience, or circumstance.

Keeping a sense of perspective can be hugely challenging particularly when our children look like sporting mini-adults wearing the same outfits, get selected for squads and performance programmes and there is no doubting that our patience can exceed our expectations particularly if we are told our children are talented and doing well.

The most difficult thing is being able to remain as objective as possible, not always an easy task, particularly with the sacrifices, cost, and emotional investment that many families make to support their young people on their sporting journey.

Delusional Parents are those who have false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions about their children even when confronted with facts. Most parents are pretty balanced and only suffer from a mild form of delusion, which I probably suffer from as well. However, there will always be some extreme cases.

It does seem that there is something in our genetic makeup that makes us parents feel that our children are always better than they are.  We can’t help it and I feel that way about my own children.

The problem is that an extreme level of delusion may hinder our ability to parent a young athlete effectively.

When we have unrealistic expectations of our children’s abilities, we begin to put unnecessary pressure on them to perform to a potentially unrealistic standard. If we continue on this path, we can then fall into the trap of nothing ever been quite good enough and focussing always on mistakes, whilst neglecting to discuss any strengths and improvements our children may be making. Everything needs a balance to it.

If our expectations have become unrealistic and we are always expecting more, almost every interaction, selection, decision that is made on any given day becomes all about our child and as a result our behaviours change alongside it.  We can become critical of coaches and programmes, become more desperate as we support from the side and then to make ourselves feel better, we then feel the need to unload all our feedback and feelings in the aftermath on the car journey home. Many of the children we have spoken to recently in performance sport have told us they need love, sleep, and food immediately after competition, only a few enjoyed talking about what had just happened at that point. That does not mean to say that these conversations did not happen at a later point in time.

All these behaviours potentially then can weaken the relationships around our young people which includes the parent-coach relationship, coach-child relationship, and parent-child relationship.

For example, when our children feel that they are not living up to our expectations and learning to take personal responsibility for their own enjoyment and improvement in their sport, they may learn to blame coaches, teammates and end up looking for someone else to help them get to the “next level” rather than finding the passion and desire within themselves to improve and reach their goals.  Children, particularly teenagers, can also be very good at telling us versions of events that they know we would want to hear or to avoid having any longer more difficult conversations with us.

This piece is not about one group always being right either and there may be times that we have to intervene as sports parents. We may have seen totally inappropriate behaviour, do not understand why something has happened to our children and we are concerned about the lack of progress that they are making.  It is our right to do this, and we mustn’t suffer in silence if we genuinely feel there is cause for concern.

So how do we avoid allowing our ingrained delusion to creep into our children’s sporting development and our parenting?

It all starts with understanding why we are putting our children into their sport in the first place. We do not have a ‘Crystal Ball.’

The younger the children are, the less accurate our predictions may be about what is coming next. If we had a magic formula for how we create world record holders and professional athletes and could bottle it up, we would be extremely wealthy.

We should be putting our children into their sport to enjoy the experience. Develop many of the character skills that will allow them to thrive in their sport, including if they make it to elite levels but also to ensure that they then can thrive in whatever walk of life they end up in. Sport remains one of the safest vehicles still to equip our children with these.

In our sessions we focus on the development of commitment, determination, consistency, resilience, patience, humility, adaptability, decision-making, self-organisation, and good communication to name but a few.

If our children’s sporting environment is providing enjoyment and valuing the development of the whole person, these traits and the benefits and experiences of the journey itself alongside the technical part we should be over the moon.

Understandably, concussion raises a number of concerns for those providing sport, particularly those who are working with children, and it’s always interesting hearing from coaches what they are most worried about. It has been clear to me that over the last couple of years awareness of the injury has rocketed (significant thanks have to go to the RFU and their Headcase campaign for that) but this year there has been one consistent theme that has been raised – the nervousness of coaching staff to make a “diagnosis”.

“I’m not a doctor, how can I possibly decide if a player has had a concussion?”

The answer is simple – no one is asking you to. But what you do need to do is have a suspicion. In education sessions, I tell coaches to ask themselves two questions:

1. Have you seen an event that could have caused a concussion? (or has someone told you about an incident of concern – you can’t see everything)
A direct blow to the head or a hard hit causing a whiplash of the head.

2. Is the player showing any signs or symptoms that are not normal for them?
Talk to them. How do they feel? Any headache?  Saw stars after the hit?  Feel a bit dizzy? Maybe they stumbled as they got up.

If you answer “yes” to both of those questions then your suspicions should have been raised and we follow the mantra “If in doubt, sit them out”. We remove them from the pitch. Job done. The benefits of letting a player carry on never outweigh the risks. They follow the return to play pathway.

Empowerment to make the right call.

This raises a serious point for the senior staff within schools and committees at clubs.  You will have parents complain. “Little Johnny is absolutely fine.  I’m his parent, I want him to be allowed to play”. Don’t back down, support your coaches’ decisions, empower them to continue making those calls and protect the welfare of their players.

 “the doctor said it was just a mild concussion and I only need a few days off sport”

I hear this sort of thing a lot. A coach has removed a player with a suspected concussion, but then a doctor gives advice that isn’t consistent with guidelines. What to do?

We’re at a fascinating point where the educated general public – the coaches, teachers, sports providers who have undergone training – have more knowledge than a lot of doctors on the issue. Concussion isn’t a vast topic covered at medical school, it doesn’t really fit into any medical speciality training (apart from perhaps sports medicine) and our knowledge about the injury has changed rapidly in the last few years.  That means the advice given by doctors is often poor and out-of-date.  It is good practise to seek medical attention after a concussion, mainly to make sure there is nothing else worrying going on, but accept that the wrong advice may be given which may put you in a difficult situation.

So, how should we deal with this situation? Unfortunately, there is the possibility of upset but you have to stay strong. The guidelines are extremely clear – there are no “grades” of concussion, all concussions are treated exactly the same, the player needs to follow the pathway.  If the child is playing sport while under your care it is your responsibility to be satisfied they have followed the correct recovery guidelines.

Keeping it simple.

The benefits of allowing someone to play on who may have sustained a concussion will never outweigh the risks. Once we have accepted this, it really is as simple as “if in doubt, sit them out”.

This article is written by Dr Sam Barke, Medical Director of Return2Play. Return2Play is a leading sports medicine company which provides world-class injury management solutions. They believe players of all ages and ability should have access to the best medical care without delay and at affordable rates.

Return2Play’s technology, alongside consulting, education and immediate care services gives schools, clubs and governing bodies the peace of mind that they are providing their players with gold-standard care at all times. Please visit www.return2play.org.uk for more information.”