Not all technology is bad, lets be clear about that but there may be some negative aspects when it comes to performance…..

Conversation Starters for Sporting Parents 

Inspired by Moby –(Exploring focus, balance, connection, and purpose in modern sport)

Focus & Attention

“Are we truly present in what we’re doing — or distracted by everything around us?”

• “In sport, what things take your attention away from performing your best?”

• “How does your phone or social media use affect your focus before or after training?”

• “What helps you feel most ‘in the moment’ when you play?”

• “Can you think of a time when being fully focused made a difference in your performance?”

Connection & Team Culture

The video shows people surrounded by others, but still feeling alone.

• “What makes you feel connected to your teammates?”

• “When have you seen people at training or games who seem ‘present physically but not mentally’?”

• “How do you think technology helps or hurts real team connection?”

• “What’s one way we could all help build a stronger sense of belonging in your team?”

Mental Health & Balance

Constant pressure and distraction can drain energy and joy — in life and in sport.

• “What parts of sport make you feel most stressed or overloaded?”

• “How do you find balance between training, school, friends, and downtime?”

• “What helps you recharge — mentally and physically?”

• “If you could design the perfect sporting week, what would it look like?”

Identity & Self-Worth

The video makes us question how much of ourselves we tie to external approval.

• “Do you ever feel pressure to post about your sport or performance online?”

• “How do you separate your identity from your results or what others say about you?”

• “What’s something about you as an athlete that social media can’t show?”

• “What makes you proud of yourself that has nothing to do with winning?”

Purpose & Values

Moby’s message reminds us to notice what really matters and act with awareness.

• “What do you think sport is really teaching you about life?”

• “How do your actions in sport reflect your values — teamwork, fairness, effort?”

• “What kind of athlete or person do you want to be remembered as?”

• “If you could send one message to other young athletes about balance, what would it be?”

Sports Parent Tips

Use these questions as open invitations to talk, not tests.

You do not need to ask them all in one sitting either, pick the ones that may be most relevant to you in your current situation.

Listen more than you speak and let your child’s reflections guide the conversation.

The goal isn’t to analyse performance — it’s to explore values, purpose, and joy in sport and getting them communicating.

Wow!  Is that all of us, I thought? I really appreciate you putting me in one huge group and labelling us all under the same bracket.

However, it then got me thinking about my own parents and my own parenting, and things I think we do better now but some things I don’t think we did as well as them.

Is there an element of truth in the above and what is the impact on that in raising young performers?

Do we have to support young performers who are trying to achieve at the highest levels differently to societal norms, as elements of performance haven’t changed?

Modern parenting can often feel like coaching in a big game. We feel under pressure, surrounded by competition, and constantly told that if we don’t push hard enough, our kids will “get left behind.”

Many parents we speak to share their late-night thoughts including their anxieties and how they worry about the choices they are making whilst second-guessing themselves when they hear others are doing something different.

Sporting programmes can inadvertently magnify this pressure even more.

But here’s the catch: some of today’s parenting habits—though well-intentioned—are the very things we may look back on and later regret, if we haven’t really thought things through.

Here are a few of the things that crop up during our sessions: (there are many more)

Over scheduling and Overtraining

This is a tough one. A number one answer in our sessions from parents of when they find sports parenting challenging is balancing logistics. Let’s be clear, to be good at something there will certainly have to be commitment and at times it may feel relentless.

Some parents whose children are excelling at a young age may not have a choice depending on where they live and the demands of the programmes they are involved with.

However, we need to be wary that everything over a 12-month period needs some balance. This includes trying to facilitate family time, holidays and the pursuit of other hobbies and interests whilst ensuring enough time is given to continue to make healthy progress in the sport they may be excelling at.

Many of the world’s top performers played several sports when they were younger and not eliminating too many of these too early is sound advice.

“Michael Jordan didn’t just play basketball—he played baseball, too. That balance helped him become the athlete he was.”

However, think of Freddie Adu, once dubbed “the next Pelé.” At just 14, he signed a professional contract, played under enormous pressure, and was on every magazine cover. By 22, he was burnt out, his love for the game diminished.

Parents often say later, ‘I wish we had slowed down a bit and made some better choices along the way.’ Hindsight can be a wonderful thing.

Defining Success by Trophies

When Serena and Venus Williams were children, their father, Richard, often told them:

“This is bigger than tennis. You’re going to change the world.”

Notice—he wasn’t talking about trophies or rankings. He framed success as effort, character, and impact.

Compare that to parents who measure every season by outcomes. I have had teenage athletes say to me, “If I don’t score, I feel like I let my parents down and they keep asking me where I think I rank on my team.” That kind of pressure doesn’t build champions—it builds anxiety.

To raise young performers, we need to be helping our children understand why they are winning and why they are achieving positive outcomes, and this comes back to the development of key character traits.

Something that is only going to happen if as parents we can help support the development of these traits through shining a light on them, reinforcing their value and discussing them with them.

The common sporting conversation and narrative of ‘did you win, did you score and how did you play compared to everyone else’ needs to have much greater depth to it as if that is the only conversation that ever takes place around young people’s sport it is unlikely to do that. It merely adds fuel to the notion that any success is purely defined by specific outcomes.

Living Through our Child’s Achievements

Andre Agassi, in his autobiography Open, recalls how his father pushed him relentlessly, even building a ball machine nicknamed “The Dragon” to feed him 2,500 balls a day. Agassi became a champion—but he also admitted he hated tennis for much of his life.

“I won matches. I earned millions. But I hated tennis.” — Andre Agassi

Many modern parents fall into the same trap: they see their child’s sport as their own second chance.

There is nothing wrong with being proud of our kids and being invested in their sport

Our young athletes thrive when we support without controlling—when kids know that this is their journey, and that we are their biggest supporters, not necessarily second coaches.

As our children get older our ability to move from the driver’s seat to the pit lane as a parent is essential to create independent, self organised and driven young people.

Forgetting the Whole Person Beyond their Sport

One of the discussions I always have with parents is along the lines of ‘What do you want for your children from their sporting experience and what will they do tomorrow if it all ends?’

Yes, young people can be all in and heavily invested in their sport, however I also know it is far easier to develop rounded individuals along the way rather than at the very end.

Many athletes have had every aspect of their life controlled to maximise their athletic future. Meals, workouts, even friendships are monitored, supposedly to meet goals or to be the perfect product of modern parenting—but the pressure can consume people and there is a dark side.

Olympian Ian Thorpe — “I felt like I was swimming for everyone else, not for me. That’s when I knew something was wrong.”

NBA Legend Larry Bird — “Push too hard and the love for the game disappears. Then it’s just work, not play.”

We are not fans of ‘Plan B’ for young people as we do not like that specific narrative, but we are fans of supporting the development of multi-faceted young people with different strings to their bow.

If you contrast some peoples experience with that of Roger Federer, whose parents encouraged him to play multiple sports until he was 12.

He credits that balance for his longevity and love of tennis.

“I was never forced to play tennis. That’s why I still love it today.” — Roger Federer

Parenting for the Long Game

Years from now, your child won’t remember all of their sporting days and their outcomes.

As we live in the moment now without a crystal ball for what the future may hold or without any guarantees that no matter what we facilitate, and our children give to their sport they may still not achieve what they are currently aspiring to. A really uncomfortable place top be as a sporting parent, but can we shift the narrative?

What we maybe can guarantee is that when it is all over, they will remember how you made them feel.

Did they feel valued, even after mistakes? Did they feel safe to fail? Did they feel supported beyond the game?

The real goal is raising a child who loves their sport, loves themselves, and carries those lessons into every corner of life.

In this episode human development and performance consultant Beth Kerr joins Gordon MacLelland to discuss ‘Technology and Talent’ and how we can support young people’s performance and personal development.

During the conversation they discuss amongst other things:

• The emotional tug-of-war that parents face regarding technology use
• The pros and cons of technology usage on performance and personal development
• Cause and Effect – is linking this to their performance outcomes key in supporting positive behaviours with technology
• Teaching young people about how their developing brains affect impulse control, emotional reactivity and peer influence
• Co-creating positive habits in the home environment
• The value in sporting organisations and coaches creating environments where expectations around technology use are transparent and enforced, while also allowing for support and compassion if rules are broken
• The complexities of parents managing social media accounts for their children

Beth Kerr is a human development and performance consultant. She specialises in empowering adolescents – and those who work with or care for them, to build the skills needed to thrive in high-performing environments.

Educated at Loughborough University (BSc) and University College London (MSc in Child and Adolescent Mental Health), Beth is a global educator, researcher, consultant, and experienced media commentator, with a particular focus on the health and wellbeing of young people in the digital age. 

Sessions will be delivered to both the girls and boys programmes to help support parents with their journey of being a sporting parent to a young person showing lots of potential.

All parents and coaches in the performance programmes have been given access to a customised Leinster rugby platform which includes all of the exclusive WWPIS content featuring over 250 blogs, videos, podcasts and infographics.

CEO WWPIS Gordon MacLelland said, ‘This is such a wonderful partnership for us with one of the leading brands in world rugby. We are really excited to have turned our focus to how we can support the performance programmes this season and already the turn out to live sessions, the quality of engagement and the number of parents using the website platform suggests that this has been a really positive move, welcomed by all.

This is just the beginning however, with plenty of scope for development in the future.’

Support is not just limited to the performance pathway. Over the last few seasons we have been working extensively with Leinster Rugby supporting their work with parents and coaches at both club and community level and this season now working within the performance pathway.

A number of Leinster Rugby staff have been trained to deliver sessions in clubs and communities across the province whilst we have run a number of sessions for coaches.

Also available for purchase for clubs and parents is the ‘Our Sporting Journey’ series for Under 7 and Under 9 players incorporating two playing seasons of rugby.

The ‘Our Sporting Journey’ is a series of interactive books for children, putting them at the heart of the sporting experience, allowing them to have plenty of fun, grow as people both on and off the field and immerse themselves in their sporting experience as they progress through their sporting journey.

The books all have plenty of activities for children, encourage positive interaction between children and their parents, require plenty of parental involvement whether that be in having positive conversations, playing in the garden or helping to stick in the pictures that will allow everyone to build up a memory book that will last a lifetime.

Leinster Rugby’s Coach and Player Development Manager, Declan O’Brien commented, ‘Building relationships, respect and trust with our players, parents and coaches across the province is the foundation to building quality sustainable environments within Leinster.

We believe our partnership with WWPIS will encourage and develop a sense of purpose and unity within the rugby community. Everyone’s contribution and support in local schools and clubs is vital to meet the challenges of the future and the specialist skills of an organisation such as WWPIS can only add value to the development of players, parents, and coaches.’

I smiled and confidently explained that “my parents know better. We have a rule: let the players play, the coaches’ coach, and the referees ref.”

“Coach, it’s your dad!” My captain called to me. My smugness quickly faded, and I was faced with the strangest “coach’s walk” of my career. Having to trudge across the field, in front of everyone, to address my father.

I made the long, awkward walk to my father who was stationed in his little folding chair right at the midline, as he was every game, so he “could have the best view”.

“Dad, please stop talking to the ref. Please let everyone do their jobs and enjoy the game.” I said, wishing, at that moment, I was anywhere but there.

A 40-year-old man with three children of his own and a Director of Coaching at a large club.

A grown man who has not played competitively in nearly two decades. The coach, at this moment in time, of a team of 10-year-olds.

Yet, somehow, I was obligated to tell my father to let the kids play. Let me repeat that in case you did not catch it: I was the coach, and it was my father disrupting a youth football match.

Why was my father even at the game?

Because, as he has told me a multitude of times over both my playing and coaching career, he is my biggest fan. He loves watching me play and coach!

For the last 25 years my father would show up at my house every weekend, with trusty chair in hand, to hitch a ride to my games. He’d stay with me all day on multi-game days. He’d ride with me and stay at the hotel on road trips. He was always there. Posted up like a sentry on watch at the midline telling anyone who would listen, “That’s my son!”

“Which one is your son?” People would ask, trying to do the math of a 60-something man at a youth sports event.

“The coach!”

I was never going to stop my dad from attending the games I coached. I honestly don’t know if I would have wanted him to stop. I knew no matter what, my father would be there and would be cheering for my team and bragging on me. He was my biggest fan.

Honestly, of all the things I miss most about coaching is seeing my dad posted in his red chair on the far sideline. The sense of joy, the sheer confidence, the empowering feeling I had knowing someone loved me so unconditionally drove me to be a better coach, a better father, a better human. He was a source of immense inspiration for me in my growth as a coach, educator, advocate. If having your parent as your biggest fan is that impactful for a grown man, imagine what it does for our children: to be their biggest fan!

More importantly, one of the gifts my father gave me was teaching me to be my own ally. His dedication, his passion for my work, and the words he spoke to me all those amazing weekends (especially in the car ride home) were the foundation for me becoming my own biggest fan. It is hard not to shift to positive self-talk when your passenger is such a big fan.

“Self-allyship” is the greatest gift my parents ever gave me. It is a work in progress, and I need to remind myself often of their zeal. I remind myself daily that if my parents are such big fans of mine, why can’t I be a fan too. My resilience, my success, my mindset, and my drive are tied to how they have made me feel about my work over the years.

I encourage you to do the same for your children. There is no doubt you love them and want what is best for them. I adamantly believe parents do what they do out of love.

You want to pave the path for your children. You want them to avoid any suffering. You want to see them happy and successful. Sometimes that leads to some emotional moments, and some unusual behaviours, but there is no doubt it is out of love for your kids. The best way to focus our love for them is to understand that we must prepare them for the path rather than prepare the path for them.

I applaud each one of you for being your child’s biggest fans and if you want to create a lasting impact and see them succeed long after the ball stops rolling, seek to also instil in them this desire to be their own biggest fans.

Teaching your children to be their own biggest fan is not difficult if you are intentional, remain aware of your interactions, and employ these emotional fitness concepts when you watch your children play:

Internal Focus of Control

Apply the Art of Encouragement – Encouragement, when done properly, builds up a child’s internal locus of control. Most days, children feel like a passenger in their learning journey. Whether it is having to follow the schedules and wishes of the adults in their life, being reliant on the input of teammates or coaches, or facing the uncertainty of opponents, weather, referees, and other external variables, feeling like they have control of their environment can be difficult.

One way to shift that locus of control internally and allow our children to have greater control over their performances, and confidence, is to use more encouragement language. When they do something instead of being a “good jobber” like I was early in my career or praising the outcomes (“good goal”), tell them what they did right to get to where they are. Share with them the specific examples, point out repeatable actions, use concrete language to encourage the behaviours that led to the success. Saying something like, “Wow. You ran so hard and got to the right spot to receive that pass.

That’s why you scored. Way to work hard without the ball,” Tells an athlete what they did well and gives them the blueprint for doing it again. This teaches them how to control what they can control in a dynamic, chaotic environment and instills a strong internal locus of control. That serves them well in future endeavours and teaches them to find pride in their work.

Intrinsic Motivation

Shift to “You” language – Telling children “you should be proud”, or “you did that all on your own” and using language that puts them at the centre of the equation develops intrinsic motivation in our children. We want them to inherently do the things they do and not do them because someone is making them, or they expect an external reward for it. “Doing hard things” requires intrinsic motivation. Everything we do may not always be fun, but if we are inherently motivated to do those things, it will bring enjoyment. Life is not a sun-drenched walk through the rose garden.

We want our children to grow up prepared for the dark parts of the path too. Intrinsic motivation is a key factor in helping them be resilient and strong in the difficult times and it leads to a strong work ethic. “You” language makes the sporting experience, the effort, the good and bad worth it to them. This also works by asking them “you” questions: “what did you think of the game”, “what did you like about that performance”, “what do you want to play”?

You’d be surprised at how excited a child gets when they are asked what they want. You make the experience and the journey theirs and no one can take that back from them.

Growth Mindset

Carol Dweck’s Power of Yet – Part of becoming your own biggest fan is having grace for when you fail and celebrating with awe when you do something new. Have you ever watched a baby solve a puzzle or accomplish something new in their world. They get so excited. They seem so surprised, almost in awe of their own skill. This is, unfortunately, a behaviour that fades with time. Unless someone continues to remind us. By deploying the power of yet with our children, we are teaching them to stay resilient and to celebrate even small wins.

When your child says “I can’t” tell them, “Yet. You can’t yet, but we will help you and do it together. You will be able to do it and how cool will it feel when you can do it!” Every time they hit a roadblock, be the one to say “yet”. Keep them in their logical brain (instead of the lizard brain). Get them to imagine what it would look like if they could do it. Scaffold their learning with resources and support.

Teach them that skills are not innate, they are developed and sometimes we need the right tools to develop them. Hard work, failure, adapting, trying new things, and learning from mistakes are all parts of the recipe for growth. Like the foundational ingredient in a great recipe (for me that is the protein part of it) “yet” is the most important part and it leads to amazing outcomes. Be a “Yet-ie” when your children struggle.

Forgiving Internal Dialogue

Unconditional Love Unlocks Courage – In times of high stress and adversity, especially when there are consequences attached to performance (losing, being punished, getting benched, feeling embarrassed in front of strangers, disappointing people), the amygdala and the fear response in our brain is heightened (the lizard brain). We degrade into a fight, flee, or freeze mentality (ever watch a child completely freeze up in a tense match?). The logic brain takes a backseat to fear, and no learning can happen. It is important, at that moment, to reactivate the frontal lobe and calm the “lizard brain”. The easiest way to do this is to remove the consequences. This does not mean we run onto the field and knock everyone down so they can score the game winning goal. The consequences are there. They are part of the game. Our goal should be to remove them from the child’s internal dialogue.

Let them know that the consequences do not define them, and the outcomes don’t change how you feel about them. Remind them you love them. No. Matter. What. Happens. This unconditional love, regardless of any possible outcomes, lights a fire within a child that is not easily extinguished. It teaches them to have grace for themselves and to love themselves. It guides a self-talk that is gentler and more loving and helps them develop a forgiving internal dialogue. This self-talk will serve them in life. My mom and dad live 3,000 miles from me, yet, when I face tough times, I remember that no matter what happens, they will love me for me and not the things that happen. It is empowering, reassuring, and frees me from negative internal dialogue. My dad always told me “I will never measure you by the things that happen to you, only by how you choose to respond”.

Please continue to be your child’s biggest fan.

Children need that one person they can always count on the cheer for them. Begin to arm them with an internal locus of control, intrinsic motivation, a growth mindset, and a loving internal dialogue so one day they can be their own biggest fan.

One day when you cannot be there for them, they can be resilient in the worst of times and still love who they are. They can excel way beyond the game because you gave them the greatest gift a sports parent can give – how to be their own biggest fan.

I know, whether my dad is at that midline or not, he will always be my biggest fan, and more importantly, he gave me the blueprint for becoming my own.

“Coach Reed” Maltbie is a bestselling author, TED speaker, educator, and optimum performance specialist, is a thought leader in his field. With dual master’s degrees in sports psychology and early childhood development, combined with three decades of professional coaching experience, Coach Reed has established himself as a global authority on cultivating and achieving peak performance, creating cultures of excellence, and developing leaders who transform lives.

His new book, “The Spartan Mindset: Mastering the Language of Excellence,” became an overnight international bestseller, emphasising the impact of language on performance.

In this episode Head of Women’s Psychology at the Football Association Dr. Kate Hays joins Gordon MacLelland to discuss life with the Lionesses and supporting and inspiring young girls to a life in sport.

During the conversation they discuss amongst other things:

• Memories of last Summer’s success with the Lionesses
• Creating a bubble around athletes at high profile events to help them focus on performance
• Creating safe spaces for athletes to process success, manage the aftermath of highly emotional events and helping to support the resetting of new goals to move forward
• The power of sport to inspire, create opportunities and provide amazing role models
• Understanding the individual needs of young performers in sport whether we are coaches or parents
• The importance of youth sport and facilitating safe environments for children to learn, develop as individuals and make mistakes
• Framing winning and competition in a positive manner whilst supporting our children to understand why and how they perhaps achieve specific outcomes
• Common traits in top athletes and their drive to be the best, their drive to improve, their relentless focus on success, their ability to be objective in reviewing performances and how they leave no stone unturned
• Everyone wants to win – so how do we win?
• Intrinsic v Extrinsic motivation
• The potential job opportunities in sport for young females in sport

Dr Kate Hays is the Head of Women’s Performance Psychology at the Football Association. Previously, she spent more than seven years in a similar role with the English Institute of Sport [EIS]. She has worked as a sport psychologist and been part of multidisciplinary teams for 20 years.

During this time Kate has worked across a range of different sports and supported athletes competing in major global events including World Championships, Olympics and the professional equivalent – most recently among the team behind the team at the Tokyo Games.

Her current role includes working closely with elite England players in an on-camp role as a key part of head coach Sarina Wiegman’s support team. Day to day, she is responsible for ensuring a consistent approach is introduced across all development sides as part of a commitment to strengthening the women’s player pathway.

In this episode author and world-renowned performance expert Steve Magness joins Gordon MacLelland to discuss ‘Do Hard Things’, his latest book, which takes a deep dive into real toughness and how we can get resilience so very wrong.

During the conversation they discuss amongst other things:

• The motivation for writing ‘Do Hard Things’ 
• Defining ‘resilience’ and what it actually means and looks like in reality
• Dealing with the reality of the ‘struggle’ and embracing it
• Helping our children develop a toolbox to navigate the inevitable obstacles and challenges they will encounter during their sporting journey
• Normalising the experience of loss and disappointment and giving our children space to process these moments whilst recognising our role in supporting them
• Recognising the sensitive period immediately after competition and reacting accordingly as sports parents
• Giving our children the opportunity to share their perspectives and experiences
• Helping our children ‘raise the floor’ and recognise the importance of improving the consistency of their performance
• Recognising the importance of intrinsic motivation and the drive for sporting success coming from our children

Steve Magness is a world-renowned expert on performance, well-being, and sustainable success. His most recent work is Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness. He is coauthor of the best selling Peak Performance and The Passion Paradox. In his coaching practice, Steve has worked with some of the best athletes in the world.