In this episode British Gymnastics National Head Coach and sports parent Barry Collie joins Gordon MacLelland to discuss ‘Developing confidence, self-esteem and self-worth in young athletes’ along with how we can create the best environments possible for young people to thrive both in and out of their sport.

During the conversation they discuss amongst other things:

• Applying lessons from his own sporting journey to his own parenting
• Encouraging young people to find joy and bring energy to their passions and pursuits
• Nurturing passion, purpose and persistence
• Encouraging children to laugh, learn, and try again after mistakes
• Parents adapting their approach to suit each child’s personality
• The importance of positive reinforcement particularly in sports with high demands and a focus on mistakes
• Why optimism and hope is so important for all of us
• Encouraging conversations about life beyond sport for both coaches and parents
• Expressing love and pride in our children as people, not just when they achieve success

Barry Collie is a visionary leader and passionate advocate for British gymnastics, currently serving as the Head National Coach for Men’s Artistic Gymnastics. With over 20 years of elite coaching experience, Barry has consistently demonstrated a deep commitment to athlete development, team success, and the long-term growth of the sport.

Known for his optimistic and driven approach, Barry brings an innate ability to inspire those around him. His leadership style is collaborative and empowering—he listens, learns, and leads with purpose, fostering environments where gymnasts and coaches alike can thrive. Barry’s coaching philosophy centres on co-production, ensuring that individual Gymnast Performance Plans are developed in partnership with athletes and clubs to create a unified and high-performance culture.

Barry’s track record includes leading the British junior men’s team to historic success at the European Championships, where his strategic planning and emotional resilience helped secure multiple medals and build future Olympians. His coaching is grounded in strong values, meticulous preparation, and a belief in the power of confidence, routine, and reflection.

A devoted family man, Barry balances his professional intensity with personal warmth, bringing humanity and heart to every aspect of his role. His vision for British gymnastics is bold and inclusive—one that celebrates excellence, nurtures talent, and builds a legacy of pride and performance.

Communication

Use language and words that build and nurture body confidence through empathetic and informed communication.

PARENTS & SUPPORTERS CALL TO ACTION

• Encourage athletes to have other things outside of their sport that gives them body
  confidence and makes them feel connected to their bodies.
• Create a space for conversations about navigating challenging body commentary.
• Call out body shaming when you hear or see it.
• Offer support to those who have experienced the negative effects of body commentary.
• Refrain from comments or words comparing former athletes’ bodies to their former
  athletic body shape, weight or appearance, or to a sporting body ideal.
• Engage in ongoing education about how different bodies show up in sport, including but
  not limited to bodies with differing identities relating to ethnicity, gender, religion, cultural
  background, sexuality, ability, education, age and body size.

Focus on Wellbeing

Prioritise mental and physical health ahead of performance indicators, and not focusing on body weight, shape or size.

PARENTS & SUPPORTERS CALL TO ACTION

• Encourage athletes to feel good about their bodies outside of their weight and shape.
• Avoid commenting on weight, shape, and appearance of athlete bodies, especially as they
  The Body Confident Sport Guidelines (BCSGs) have been developed to champion body confidence in
  sport and are for use by athletes, dancers, coaches, parents, supporters, sporting clubs, dance schools,
  sports administrators and sports media.
• These guidelines are intended to encourage safety, body diversity and inclusion, whilst preventing and protecting athletes from psychological and physical
  harm.

The full guidelines can be found at bodyconfidentcollective.org/sport-guidelines

Food First

Promote nourishing and fuelling the body with food which meets energy demands and discouraging unnecessary supplement use.

PARENTS & SUPPORTERS CALL TO ACTION

• Support athletes to have a positive relationship with food by encouraging a wide variety of
  foods that provide nourishment, energy and enjoyment.
• Avoid using supplements around athletes.
• Encourage a variety of macronutrients (carbohydrates, fats, proteins) from a variety of food
  sources to fuel the body and its individuals sporting needs.
• Prioritise the use of food over supplement use.

Flexible Uniforms & Equipment

Provide a choice and variety of clothing, uniform and equipment options that are size and shape inclusive.

PARENTS & SUPPORTERS CALL TO ACTION

• Have discussions with athletes about how they feel in their uniform and help to advocate
  for options and flexibility.
• Support athletes with the knowledge that they have options to feel good about their body.
• Become aware of the types of sizes and options available for sports uniforms and thinking
  critically about how it can be improved.
• Consider allowing flexibility in what athletes wear and encouraging them to wear what
  they feel comfortable in, in a way that follows colour guidelines to represent the team.
• Avoid talking about your own weight and remove scales from places where they can
  access them.
• Provide support when an athlete might have become focused or worried about their
  weight and shape.
• Celebrate body diversity in athletes and people in sport.
• Emphasise the messaging that different bodies perform best at different sizes and shapes.
  develop in adolescence.

Culture

Provide a sporting environment, team and club culture that is as welcoming, safe and inclusive as possible

PARENTS & SUPPORTERS CALL TO ACTION

• Discuss experiences and frustrations with sporting life that are peripheral to, but influence,
  performance.
• Be an ally and advocate for those who need additional environmental changes in their
  sports by amplifying their voices.
• Consider the needs of others, and advocate for the environmental access needs.
• Create safe and welcoming physical and psychological environment that meets access
  needs.
• Create inclusive team, club and sport culture.

The Body Confident Sport Guidelines (BCSGs) have been developed to champion body confidence in
sport and are for use by athletes, dancers, coaches, parents, supporters, sporting clubs, dance schools,
sports administrators and sports media.

These guidelines are intended to encourage safety, body diversity and inclusion, whilst preventing and protecting athletes from psychological and physical harm. The full guidelines can be found at bodyconfidentcollective.org/sport-guidelines

Everyone spends hours developing their skills, but few consider the huge influence that perspective, thoughts and feelings have on performance. Your interpretations of who you are, why you play and what will make you successful will impact how you perform. Your interpretations of confidence, concentration, pressure and resilience will impact how you perform.

Perform Beyond Pressure helps individuals come to greater clarity about themselves, the game and finding the method and skill to adapt. This clarity enables enjoyment, ease in themselves and instinctive play, which is where all great, and truly meaningful, performances stem from.

It is written with the athlete themselves in mind, therefore this blog is about how parents can positively influence the process of their daughter or son performing beyond pressure. Here are three keys:

See Beyond Pressure

We are used to hearing that the best performers are great at performing under pressure. Which is like saying they have to carry a weight around on their shoulders, but at least they are good at carrying it. However, you do not have to carry the weight.

Pressure is a feeling. Feelings are made of thought. Thought is inherently illusory.

Ever said “That was better than I thought it was going to be?” Of course, you have because thoughts are just thoughts, not truths. And that includes all the thoughts about the consequences and what other people think that create the feeling of pressure. They are all stories that the mind creates and do not have to be believed or taken seriously.

The more that anyone realises that pressure is an illusion, the less they buy into it when the thoughts/feeling arises and so they start moving beyond it.

In truth, somebody can only ever see this for themselves. A parent can only do so much here, except see the truth of it for themselves and the chances are they will interact in a calmer, more relaxed way more often because they are not getting caught up in their thoughts about how something is ‘high pressure’.

It is Their Path

At every stage of ‘the path’ the parent’s role in helping performance will differ. Whilst this will be different for everyone, broadly, in childhood the parent will have a big role to play and will naturally shape a lot of the decision their child makes. Then in the teenage years, we all assert independence and the balance of decision-making evens out between parent and child. Then into adulthood, the ‘child’ is now responsible for all the decisions they make.

This is all natural. What is key to bear in mind is that realising potential comes in adulthood. Therefore, for any of us to realise our potential it is going to be a consequence of the actions we take for ourselves, with strong foundations of knowledge, experience and support to draw upon.

Therefore, the sooner you can allow your child to take responsibility for what they want to do, how they want to do it, what’s fun, what enables learning etc, then the more practice they will have had at it by the time it might make all the difference. They will get it wrong for sure, but they will get better at it with experience. It can pay off to become a good listener as quickly as possible, despite all the know-how that you have accumulated.

Avoid Compounding Misconceptions about Confidence, Concentration and Resilience

There are some very common beliefs in society that I think send us all in the completely wrong direction. I’ll unpick some of them briefly here:

Confidence: There’s an assumption that we need confidence to play well. It’s not true. You do not need to feel confident to play great.

Confidence is a nice feeling, but whether you are currently experiencing it or not, you are still the same player. Your skills are still exactly the same player (given all the training you have done), the feeling is just (temporarily) different. We’ve all had days when we have felt nervous, anxious or worse and yet we have ended up performing well – remember that.

Concentration: The reason that concentration seems like a tough proposition is because we think about it in terms of the total time that a successful action, task or performance takes. However, it can be so much easier. You only ever have to concentrate for a moment at a time.

Keep it that simple and when you get comfortable concentrating at one moment at a time, then at the end of day you might be able look back at a performance that appears from the outside as a ‘feat of concentration’. But it was just one moment at a time, added up.

Resilience: Resilience is not about putting on a ‘tough guy’ act or never getting upset. It is about learning and letting go of what has happened.

If you are playing the game to prove yourself rather than to enjoy the game, then bouncing back will be more effortful. However, resilience is a natural process when you love what you are doing and do not hold onto any insecure thoughts about your results. When you are looking for every opportunity to learn, whatever the result, then you are going to see the value in failures as well as successes and your natural resilience will shine through.

If you have any questions about this blog you can find me on I am Twitter @rdhudson00.

I would be delighted to hear from you.

Perform Beyond Pressure is available on Amazon here along with my first book, Pressure Myths here

The good news is that resilience behaviours can be learned-it’s a process of continual development, and in my opinion, is one of the most important things that parents can develop alongside their sport-mad child.

WHAT YOU CAN DO?

BUILD CONFIDENCE

A child’s belief in his/her own abilities is derived from confidence and competence. To develop this: focus on their strengths, empowering them to make their own decisions; praise honestly about specific achievements resulting from effort applied; praise the process and the attitude, not the result; focus on their enjoyment of their sport.

ENCOURAGE AN ‘EXPECTATION FREE’ CULTURE

Expectations that you place on your child can lead to feelings of stress and anxiety and an increased pressure on them to perform.  They need to be able to play their own game as if you/their coach was not there, and just focus on things that are within their control: their preparation for a competition; practice; diet; how they fully commit to a shot in golf; court awareness in Netball; recognising opposition tactics/strengths/weaknesses in Football. Prioritise what is already working for them and acknowledge even the smallest changes in the right direction.

LISTEN AND COMMUNICATE NON-JUDGEMENTALLY

Developing non-judgemental listening skills as a parent will help you build your own confidence when dealing with your child’s ‘sporting crises’ and will prevent you ‘pouring fuel on the fire’. Get to know when and where your child might like to talk through the competition that hasn’t gone well (Is it in the car on the way home when you don’t have to face each other? Is it back home after they have ‘cooled down’ and can process thoughts?); your attitude needs to be one of acceptance, genuineness and empathy which helps create a safe, comfortable environment in which your child can talk openly without fear of being judged. You are not listening to your child when you say you understand and have an answer to their issue, before they finish telling you what it is!

ASK ‘GREAT GROWTH’ QUESTIONS

One of the first questions parents often ask their children after a competition is, “Did you win?” Face facts-most of the time they won’t (and it’s often outside of their control)-so how does it make them feel when you ask this question? That you only value winning? Consider questions that will help build confidence and ultimately resilience: “What did you learn today?”; “What challenges did you face?”; “How can the challenges you faced help you improve your practice?” “What did you enjoy most about today?” These types of questions help children understand that failure and challenges are part of the process of growing and developing as a player.

As a parent, watching and supporting your child play and compete in sport is one of the joys of life. Let them make mistakes, don’t make excuses for them, and be there for them no matter what and you will be well on the way to developing their resilient behaviours that will last a lifetime!

Matt is Director of Matt Messias Impact Leadership Ltd, and inspires and develops people across sport, education, and business.

www.mattmessias.co.uk

I feel safe when I climb, really safe. And it is not just the crash mats to land on if I fall or because of the harnesses and proper shoes I use. No my daddy makes me feel safe. He is the one that I know is always there to support me whatever happens. Never raises his voice just words of encouragement, different from some other parents who often shout. I wouldn’t like that at all.

I ask him what it was like playing sport when he was younger and he said that his coach told him learning was like making a cake. Get the right ingredients and everyone can enjoy a nice tasty slice with an appetite for more.

The recipe was made from things you can’t find in the supermarket. Add plenty of enjoyment with a touch of fun and laughter – after all which coach wouldn’t include these! This doesn’t mean it won’t be without challenges – I mean this week I nearly reached the top of the green route climb although I went higher than last week. The cake includes confidence. Confident to try new things and to use the confidence I got from achieving things I didn’t think I could. Dad talks a lot about effort, as long as I try my hardest I don’t worry about what others do. He says “what can you do now that I couldn’t when I first started?” I have a long list!

I feel secure however high I climb and when I fall my confidence dusts me down and I begin again knowing that this is all part of learning. Each week I try new skills, face challenges within my reach (when my arms grow longer I can reach the final hold on the purple route!). These skills will be really useful outside and in other sports I do. I never seem to stop, plenty of activities – we are always busy doing something that helps us and no one is left out. It’s great to work with my friends. We have our own little community and my grip on the boulders is as strong as the friendship we have built. One day we will climb real mountains and create more memories. My Daddy climbed a big mountain in Africa and the photos look amazing. He often just watches, let’s me find my own route and get me to think of things that may help. I made up something the other day where I imagined I was an icicle and had to remain still until the sunshine melted me and I jumped to the floor! We play a lot of games, make up ideas and always look forward to next week.  I think I will always do this.

I wonder if my friends who do other sports would write the same as me.