Dr. Abraham Twerski talks about responding to stress and fear using Lobsters as the theme. He tells us that the stimulus for them to be able to grow is to feel uncomfortable and that times of stress are also times that are signals for growth.
How do we help support our young athletes through stressful times?
Sports Parent Conversation Starters
Inspired by Dr. Abraham Twerski – (Stress, Discomfort, and the Power of Growth in Sport)
Understanding Growth Through Pressure
“The lobster feels uncomfortable in its shell. That pressure is the signal to grow.”
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“In your sport, what moments make you feel like the ‘lobster under pressure’?”
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“Can you think of a time when you felt uncomfortable or challenged — but came out stronger?”
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“How do you know when pressure is helping you grow versus when it’s becoming too much?”
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“What do you think your ‘new shell’ looks like after a tough season or challenge?”
Managing Stress Positively
“If lobsters had doctors, they’d never grow — they’d just get pills and stay the same size.”
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“When things get tough in sport, what’s your first reaction — do you push through or back off?”
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“How do you normally deal with stress around training or competition?”
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“What do you think helps you recover and reset after tough moments?”
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“What’s one stressful situation in sport that turned out to be a good thing in the end?”
Building Resilience & Confidence
“Times of stress are signals for growth.”
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“How can we remind ourselves that stress isn’t always bad — it can mean we’re growing?”
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“What helps you believe in yourself when you’re under pressure?”
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“What’s something you’ve learned about your own strength from sport?”
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“When you’ve failed or struggled, what did you discover about yourself?”
Supporting Each Other Through Growth
Growth takes discomfort — but it’s easier when you’re not alone.
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“How can I, as your parent, best support you when you’re going through a tough time?”
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“When do you want me to just listen instead of trying to fix things?”
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“Who else in your sport helps you through challenging periods?”
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“What could our family do to help you handle pressure more confidently?”
Perspective & Gratitude
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“Looking back, what challenges are you now thankful for?”
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“How might this idea of growth under pressure help you in life beyond sport?”
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“How do you think great athletes use tough moments to improve?”
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“If you could talk to a younger athlete, what would you tell them about facing pressure?”
Sports Parent Tips
Discomfort doesn’t mean something is wrong — it often means your child is in the middle of growth.
Your role is to normalise the feeling of challenge, not remove it.
Encourage reflection, reassure them they’re capable, and remind them: stress isn’t the enemy; it’s the signal.
]]>Not all technology is bad, lets be clear about that but there may be some negative aspects when it comes to performance…..
Conversation Starters for Sporting Parents
Inspired by Moby –(Exploring focus, balance, connection, and purpose in modern sport)
Focus & Attention
“Are we truly present in what we’re doing — or distracted by everything around us?”
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“In sport, what things take your attention away from performing your best?”
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“How does your phone or social media use affect your focus before or after training?”
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“What helps you feel most ‘in the moment’ when you play?”
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“Can you think of a time when being fully focused made a difference in your performance?”
Connection & Team Culture
The video shows people surrounded by others, but still feeling alone.
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“What makes you feel connected to your teammates?”
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“When have you seen people at training or games who seem ‘present physically but not mentally’?”
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“How do you think technology helps or hurts real team connection?”
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“What’s one way we could all help build a stronger sense of belonging in your team?”
Mental Health & Balance
Constant pressure and distraction can drain energy and joy — in life and in sport.
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“What parts of sport make you feel most stressed or overloaded?”
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“How do you find balance between training, school, friends, and downtime?”
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“What helps you recharge — mentally and physically?”
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“If you could design the perfect sporting week, what would it look like?”
Identity & Self-Worth
The video makes us question how much of ourselves we tie to external approval.
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“Do you ever feel pressure to post about your sport or performance online?”
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“How do you separate your identity from your results or what others say about you?”
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“What’s something about you as an athlete that social media can’t show?”
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“What makes you proud of yourself that has nothing to do with winning?”
Purpose & Values
Moby’s message reminds us to notice what really matters and act with awareness.
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“What do you think sport is really teaching you about life?”
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“How do your actions in sport reflect your values — teamwork, fairness, effort?”
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“What kind of athlete or person do you want to be remembered as?”
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“If you could send one message to other young athletes about balance, what would it be?”
Sports Parent Tips
Use these questions as open invitations to talk, not tests.
You do not need to ask them all in one sitting either, pick the ones that may be most relevant to you in your current situation.
Listen more than you speak and let your child’s reflections guide the conversation.
The goal isn’t to analyse performance — it’s to explore values, purpose, and joy in sport and getting them communicating.
]]>Jemima won two bronze medals in race walking at the Paris 2024 Olympics and had this to say post race.
This video is standing the test of time and I encourage sports parents to watch this video with all the budding young athletes in your life.
We often talk in sessions about finding stories and narratives that can help open up conversations particularly with teenagers and this could be one of those brilliant conversation starters for sporting parents.
Conversation Starters for Sports Parents
(Inspired by Jemima Montag’s Olympic reflections)
Community & Belonging
- “What does being part of a team mean to you?”
- “Who in your sport makes you feel like you belong?”
- “How do you think Jemima’s community helped her through tough moments?”
Dedication & Discipline
- “What do you think dedication looks like for you — at training, school, or home?”
- “When have you felt proud of sticking with something, even when it was hard?”
- “Jemima talked about commitment — how do you balance hard work with rest and fun?”
Leadership
- “What kind of teammate do you want to be?”
- “How do you show leadership, even if you’re not the captain?”
- “What leaders or teammates inspire you, and why?”
Friendship & Support
- “How do your friends in sport support you when things don’t go your way?”
- “What do you value most about your friendships in sport?”
- “Jemima mentioned friendship — how can friends make training or competition more enjoyable?”
The Bigger Picture
- “Jemima said sport teaches life lessons — what life lessons do you think you’re learning?”
- “If sport wasn’t about medals or wins, what would still make it worth doing?”
- “What do you think Jemima will remember most from her Olympic experience — the medals or the journey?”
Sports Parent Tips
Use these questions as open invitations to talk, not tests.
You do not need to ask them all in one sitting either, pick the ones that may be most relevant to you in your current situation.
Listen more than you speak and let your child’s reflections guide the conversation.
The goal isn’t to analyse performance — it’s to explore values, purpose, and joy in sport and getting them communicating.
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This video gives an insight into the work and was filmed at a recent coach development day.
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Keeping our children safe in sport is everyones responsibility and we hope this video gives parents something to think about and reflect on as they navigate their children’s sporting journeys.
We hear Ellie’s story, a young athlete who has a negative experience and whose parents aren’t sure how to support her.
Through the course of the video, we look at what parents can do to help keep their child safe and who they can turn to for help if something is wrong.
If you would like some more information on keeping your child and other children safe in sport then click here.
]]>engagement and experiences. However, not all young athletes are the same. Some young athletes
may display perfectionistic tendencies, which can have a negative impact on the quality of their
engagement in sport.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is about the unrealistic expectations that people can have for themselves and for
other people in their life. There are several forms of perfectionism:
- Some people expect themselves to be perfect (self-oriented perfectionism).
- Some people expect other people to be perfect (other-oriented perfectionism).
- Some people think that other people in their life, like a parent, coach, or teacher, expect
them to be perfect (socially prescribed perfectionism).
Over twenty years of scientific research has shown that everyone is perfectionistic to some degree.
Some people have high levels of perfectionism. Other people have low levels of perfectionism. Most
people are somewhere in between.
How does perfectionism affect young athletes?
Dr Sarah Mallinson-Howard and colleagues have shown that perfectionism undermines the potential
for sport to be a rewarding experience for young athletes. How it does so, depends on the
perfectionistic tendencies they have:
- If young athletes expect themselves to be perfect, it won’t mean they work hard and
perform better. Instead, it can mean they will experience lots of unnecessary anxiety and
worry. - If young athletes expect others to be perfect, it can impact negatively on their relationships
(e.g., friendships) and they will feel less supported when they need help. - If young athletes believe that other people expect them to be perfect, they can feel
unhappy, stressed, and lonely. This is the worst form of perfectionism.
What can parents do?
If parents are concerned about their child’s perfectionistic tendencies and would like to help them
better manage their expectations and feel supported, here are three handy tips:
1. Encourage and support your child to feel good about things other than how they perform in
sport (or elsewhere), such as being a kind person.
2. Reward your child’s efforts even if things don’t go well (or perfectly). Mistakes are part of
learning and should be accepted.
3. Emphasise to your child that sometimes things just need to get done. Things can’t always be
perfect. You can learn a lot by just doing things (rather than trying to do things perfectly or
putting things off when they are unlikely to be done perfectly).
For further guidance and information, please see these documents for parents and check out the
video in this blog.
Whilst all young people are perfectionistic to some degree and certain parenting strategies may
help, if you are at all concerned that your child is having problems with their mental health (e.g.,
they are upset all the time) talk to them about it and arrange to see their GP.
Dr Sarah Mallinson-Howard is Associate Head of Sport and Senior lecturer in Sport and Exercise
Psychology in the School of Science, Technology, and Health at York St John University, UK. As
Engagement Lead for the Motivation, Performance, and Well-being (MPaW) Research Group at York
St John University, her research focuses on understanding how perfectionism influences the
engagement and experiences of athletes, in particular young athletes, and how perfectionism might
best be managed by parents, coaches, and athletes themselves.
During this short 20 minute workshop Gordon takes a brief look at:
- The meaning of ‘Parental Engagement’
- Creating a ‘Positive Parent Culture’
- Understanding today’s sporting parent
- The importance of quality communication
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Host of the podcast John Davis said,
‘Whilst many individuals and organisations recognise the need for change, these gentlemen and their companies are leading the charge in changing the youth sport landscape. Their perspectives are both unique and refreshing…and they provide a practical “way ahead” as we emerge from the pandemic and begin to reshape the future!’
We hope that you enjoy the video recording of the show but if you would like to download and listen to the audio then click here.
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One of the best videos we have come across over the last couple of years to demonstrate the importance of our behaviours and attitudes in our role as sporting parents.
Your children will be watching you! We often chat with parents about how on the whole they are the most influential people in their young children’s life and how our children will often take their lead from us.
This is one of those amazing videos where you cannot quite believe how similar the behaviours and traits are of father and son. Hope you enjoy the video as a parent as much as we have and it helps to reinforce the vital role that we play with our role modelling.
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