Dr. Abraham Twerski talks about responding to stress and fear using Lobsters as the theme. He tells us that the stimulus for them to be able to grow is to feel uncomfortable and that times of stress are also times that are signals for growth.

How do we help support our young athletes through stressful times?

Sports Parent Conversation Starters

Inspired by Dr. Abraham Twerski – (Stress, Discomfort, and the Power of Growth in Sport)

 Understanding Growth Through Pressure

“The lobster feels uncomfortable in its shell. That pressure is the signal to grow.”

• “In your sport, what moments make you feel like the ‘lobster under pressure’?”

• “Can you think of a time when you felt uncomfortable or challenged — but came out stronger?”

• “How do you know when pressure is helping you grow versus when it’s becoming too much?”

• “What do you think your ‘new shell’ looks like after a tough season or challenge?”

Managing Stress Positively

“If lobsters had doctors, they’d never grow — they’d just get pills and stay the same size.”

• “When things get tough in sport, what’s your first reaction — do you push through or back off?”

• “How do you normally deal with stress around training or competition?”

• “What do you think helps you recover and reset after tough moments?”

• “What’s one stressful situation in sport that turned out to be a good thing in the end?”

Building Resilience & Confidence

“Times of stress are signals for growth.”

• “How can we remind ourselves that stress isn’t always bad — it can mean we’re growing?”

• “What helps you believe in yourself when you’re under pressure?”

• “What’s something you’ve learned about your own strength from sport?”

• “When you’ve failed or struggled, what did you discover about yourself?”

Supporting Each Other Through Growth

Growth takes discomfort — but it’s easier when you’re not alone.

• “How can I, as your parent, best support you when you’re going through a tough time?”

• “When do you want me to just listen instead of trying to fix things?”

• “Who else in your sport helps you through challenging periods?”

• “What could our family do to help you handle pressure more confidently?”

Perspective & Gratitude

• “Looking back, what challenges are you now thankful for?”

• “How might this idea of growth under pressure help you in life beyond sport?”

• “How do you think great athletes use tough moments to improve?”

• “If you could talk to a younger athlete, what would you tell them about facing pressure?”

Sports Parent Tips

Discomfort doesn’t mean something is wrong — it often means your child is in the middle of growth.

Your role is to normalise the feeling of challenge, not remove it.

Encourage reflection, reassure them they’re capable, and remind them: stress isn’t the enemy; it’s the signal.

In this episode Founding Director ‘Red Star Education’ Kristen Cunliffe joins Gordon MacLelland to discuss Financial Fitness and how we can help our young athletes thrive with their finances. The recent BBC documentary ‘Football’s Financial Shame’  has brought the importance of this topic back into the limelight.

During the conversation they discuss amongst other things:

• Many athletes facing financial struggles due to poor advice, exploitation, and lack of early financial awareness.
• Documentaries ‘Football’s Financial Shame’ and earlier ‘Football’s Suicide Secret’ raised concerns about the long-term effects of poor financial decisions and predatory advisers
• The importance of education being independent, without commercial agendas or selling products, to maintain trust and integrity
• Challenges for young athletes with the pressure from expectations of peers, families, and sporting organisations, the fear of making financial mistakes and a lack of basic knowledge about taxes, budgeting and saving
• The importance of parents having open, honest, and sometimes uncomfortable conversations about money, learning together with their kids rather than pretending to know it all and modelling balanced spending and saving habits
• When speaking with advisors parents trusting their instincts whilst checking qualifications, experience, and fees and avoiding any snap decisions
• Allowing our young athletes to enjoy some of their earnings, but encourage habits of setting money aside for the future

Kristen Cunliffe is the Founder Director of Red Star Education, a company dedicated to giving young athletes the knowledge and confidence to make sound financial choices. With over 22 years’ experience as a multi-award-winning financial planner, independent financial educator and certified financial coach, Kristen combines expertise with a genuine passion for education. She is a strong advocate for keeping commercial partnerships out of player care, ensuring Red Star’s sessions are always focused on support, not sales.

Wow!  Is that all of us, I thought? I really appreciate you putting me in one huge group and labelling us all under the same bracket.

However, it then got me thinking about my own parents and my own parenting, and things I think we do better now but some things I don’t think we did as well as them.

Is there an element of truth in the above and what is the impact on that in raising young performers?

Do we have to support young performers who are trying to achieve at the highest levels differently to societal norms, as elements of performance haven’t changed?

Modern parenting can often feel like coaching in a big game. We feel under pressure, surrounded by competition, and constantly told that if we don’t push hard enough, our kids will “get left behind.”

Many parents we speak to share their late-night thoughts including their anxieties and how they worry about the choices they are making whilst second-guessing themselves when they hear others are doing something different.

Sporting programmes can inadvertently magnify this pressure even more.

But here’s the catch: some of today’s parenting habits—though well-intentioned—are the very things we may look back on and later regret, if we haven’t really thought things through.

Here are a few of the things that crop up during our sessions: (there are many more)

Over scheduling and Overtraining

This is a tough one. A number one answer in our sessions from parents of when they find sports parenting challenging is balancing logistics. Let’s be clear, to be good at something there will certainly have to be commitment and at times it may feel relentless.

Some parents whose children are excelling at a young age may not have a choice depending on where they live and the demands of the programmes they are involved with.

However, we need to be wary that everything over a 12-month period needs some balance. This includes trying to facilitate family time, holidays and the pursuit of other hobbies and interests whilst ensuring enough time is given to continue to make healthy progress in the sport they may be excelling at.

Many of the world’s top performers played several sports when they were younger and not eliminating too many of these too early is sound advice.

“Michael Jordan didn’t just play basketball—he played baseball, too. That balance helped him become the athlete he was.”

However, think of Freddie Adu, once dubbed “the next Pelé.” At just 14, he signed a professional contract, played under enormous pressure, and was on every magazine cover. By 22, he was burnt out, his love for the game diminished.

Parents often say later, ‘I wish we had slowed down a bit and made some better choices along the way.’ Hindsight can be a wonderful thing.

Defining Success by Trophies

When Serena and Venus Williams were children, their father, Richard, often told them:

“This is bigger than tennis. You’re going to change the world.”

Notice—he wasn’t talking about trophies or rankings. He framed success as effort, character, and impact.

Compare that to parents who measure every season by outcomes. I have had teenage athletes say to me, “If I don’t score, I feel like I let my parents down and they keep asking me where I think I rank on my team.” That kind of pressure doesn’t build champions—it builds anxiety.

To raise young performers, we need to be helping our children understand why they are winning and why they are achieving positive outcomes, and this comes back to the development of key character traits.

Something that is only going to happen if as parents we can help support the development of these traits through shining a light on them, reinforcing their value and discussing them with them.

The common sporting conversation and narrative of ‘did you win, did you score and how did you play compared to everyone else’ needs to have much greater depth to it as if that is the only conversation that ever takes place around young people’s sport it is unlikely to do that. It merely adds fuel to the notion that any success is purely defined by specific outcomes.

Living Through our Child’s Achievements

Andre Agassi, in his autobiography Open, recalls how his father pushed him relentlessly, even building a ball machine nicknamed “The Dragon” to feed him 2,500 balls a day. Agassi became a champion—but he also admitted he hated tennis for much of his life.

“I won matches. I earned millions. But I hated tennis.” — Andre Agassi

Many modern parents fall into the same trap: they see their child’s sport as their own second chance.

There is nothing wrong with being proud of our kids and being invested in their sport

Our young athletes thrive when we support without controlling—when kids know that this is their journey, and that we are their biggest supporters, not necessarily second coaches.

As our children get older our ability to move from the driver’s seat to the pit lane as a parent is essential to create independent, self organised and driven young people.

Forgetting the Whole Person Beyond their Sport

One of the discussions I always have with parents is along the lines of ‘What do you want for your children from their sporting experience and what will they do tomorrow if it all ends?’

Yes, young people can be all in and heavily invested in their sport, however I also know it is far easier to develop rounded individuals along the way rather than at the very end.

Many athletes have had every aspect of their life controlled to maximise their athletic future. Meals, workouts, even friendships are monitored, supposedly to meet goals or to be the perfect product of modern parenting—but the pressure can consume people and there is a dark side.

Olympian Ian Thorpe — “I felt like I was swimming for everyone else, not for me. That’s when I knew something was wrong.”

NBA Legend Larry Bird — “Push too hard and the love for the game disappears. Then it’s just work, not play.”

We are not fans of ‘Plan B’ for young people as we do not like that specific narrative, but we are fans of supporting the development of multi-faceted young people with different strings to their bow.

If you contrast some peoples experience with that of Roger Federer, whose parents encouraged him to play multiple sports until he was 12.

He credits that balance for his longevity and love of tennis.

“I was never forced to play tennis. That’s why I still love it today.” — Roger Federer

Parenting for the Long Game

Years from now, your child won’t remember all of their sporting days and their outcomes.

As we live in the moment now without a crystal ball for what the future may hold or without any guarantees that no matter what we facilitate, and our children give to their sport they may still not achieve what they are currently aspiring to. A really uncomfortable place top be as a sporting parent, but can we shift the narrative?

What we maybe can guarantee is that when it is all over, they will remember how you made them feel.

Did they feel valued, even after mistakes? Did they feel safe to fail? Did they feel supported beyond the game?

The real goal is raising a child who loves their sport, loves themselves, and carries those lessons into every corner of life.

In this episode British Gymnastics National Head Coach and sports parent Barry Collie joins Gordon MacLelland to discuss ‘Developing confidence, self-esteem and self-worth in young athletes’ along with how we can create the best environments possible for young people to thrive both in and out of their sport.

During the conversation they discuss amongst other things:

• Applying lessons from his own sporting journey to his own parenting
• Encouraging young people to find joy and bring energy to their passions and pursuits
• Nurturing passion, purpose and persistence
• Encouraging children to laugh, learn, and try again after mistakes
• Parents adapting their approach to suit each child’s personality
• The importance of positive reinforcement particularly in sports with high demands and a focus on mistakes
• Why optimism and hope is so important for all of us
• Encouraging conversations about life beyond sport for both coaches and parents
• Expressing love and pride in our children as people, not just when they achieve success

Barry Collie is a visionary leader and passionate advocate for British gymnastics, currently serving as the Head National Coach for Men’s Artistic Gymnastics. With over 20 years of elite coaching experience, Barry has consistently demonstrated a deep commitment to athlete development, team success, and the long-term growth of the sport.

Known for his optimistic and driven approach, Barry brings an innate ability to inspire those around him. His leadership style is collaborative and empowering—he listens, learns, and leads with purpose, fostering environments where gymnasts and coaches alike can thrive. Barry’s coaching philosophy centres on co-production, ensuring that individual Gymnast Performance Plans are developed in partnership with athletes and clubs to create a unified and high-performance culture.

Barry’s track record includes leading the British junior men’s team to historic success at the European Championships, where his strategic planning and emotional resilience helped secure multiple medals and build future Olympians. His coaching is grounded in strong values, meticulous preparation, and a belief in the power of confidence, routine, and reflection.

A devoted family man, Barry balances his professional intensity with personal warmth, bringing humanity and heart to every aspect of his role. His vision for British gymnastics is bold and inclusive—one that celebrates excellence, nurtures talent, and builds a legacy of pride and performance.

This is the first of several partnerships that we will be announcing in the world of aquatics, and we are excited to build on some of the work that we have already done within the sport supporting clubs, coaches and parents.

The first phase of the project will see sessions delivered to both junior and senior sets of parents looking at how we can best support young swimmers to fulfil their potential both in and out of the pool and the whole club being given access to a customised WWPIS platform.

Gordon MacLelland (CEO WWPIS) said, ‘This is an exciting time for us in the world of aquatics as we see an ever-increasing number of organisations reaching out to us to work together. The commitment that parents and young people bring to the sport means that any support that we can give them to enhance that journey is always very well received. This partnership with Camden Swimming will allow us to work cohesively with the club to have maximum impact in the years ahead.’

Head Coach at Camden Swimming Adam Taylor said, ‘Collaborating with WWPIS, enables CSCSC to expand our provision for parental engagement through a series of workshops that will add huge value to all involved. The information shared and knowledge gained will have a positive impact on our members as they navigate their way through their own swimming journey’s . We look forward to developing this partnership for many years to come.’

In this episode sports parent and life coach Stephanie Burge joins Gordon MacLelland to discuss ‘Deselection, Release and Transition’ and how we can help support young people through this incredibly challenging time.

During the conversation they discuss amongst other things:

• Intense parental emotions: shock, grief, helplessness
• The emotional fallout of deselection and the importance of parental support
• The importance of being present as a parent rather than trying to “fix” the situation
• Helping young athletes to develop interests and skills outside of sport throughout the journey
• Supporting dreams but also working through some ‘What if?’ scenarios alongside this
• Creating emotionally safe environments and validating young people beyond their performance
• Recognising that grief is not linear and that ending a sporting chapter can often lead to new freedom and opportunities

Stephanie Burge is a businesswoman, entrepreneur and ICF qualified Life coach with a powerful story of resilience, reinvention and mindset mastery. As the sole survivor of a serious car accident, she has turned trauma into a driving force for personal growth, purpose and helping others navigate life’s toughest transitions.

A mother to two daughters, one a successful entrepreneur with ADHD, and the other an ex-GB and England hockey player now thriving in her career, Stephanie understands the highs and lows of the neurodiverse brain and the player journey after elite sport. She is passionate about ensuring athletes, parents and professionals develop the right mindset, and get the right support, to thrive beyond competition.

Alongside supporting parents to show up in the best way to enhance their child’s sporting journey, Stephanie also coaches injured, de-selected and often psychologically broken athletes. Her objective is to facilitate them to process their loss, rediscover their identity and build fulfilling new careers. Often much time has elapsed before athletes finally realise they need to make peace with their past and reconnect with the joy of sport.

One thing that has not changed in the background is how important the role of the parent is in a young persons life as on the whole they remain most influential character in their lives in most cases till their early-mid teenage years. In youth sport this has remained an untapped resource and ally in many sporting environments for clubs and coaches.

With a fear in some sports that are losing young people from sport and physical activity, it is more important than ever that the environments we create around our sporting experiences are positive, inclusive of everyone and really engaging.

Some of the key ingredients for this include better facilities, high quality coaching and an environment around the experience that allows young people to thrive and develop individually in and out of their sport. The final point certainly requires the help and support of parents.

We have seen huge strides taken by sporting organisations over the last few years to foster a more positive relationship with parents, recognising the importance of their role and finding new and innovative ways of sharing information with them as well as providing much more support in order to give parents the best chance of motivating, supporting and managing their children’s sporting experience so that it is a positive environment for all.

We cannot rest on our laurels, leadership in sporting environments needs to be strong and effective, promoting transparent environments that encourage parents to be a key part in the process.

As a former coach myself, I understand the fear of coaches that if we open the door to much that parents will start to become overly involved which actually is not healthy for anyone. However this can be averted by having a well thought out communication policy and a set of expectations that everyone buys into before any season or programme gets underway, along with continued dialogue throughout the sporting journey.

In an ideal world, we will have environments where sporting organisations are creating a positive parent culture, children are taking ownership of their sporting experience, coaches are delivering highly effective and engaging sessions and there is an understanding from parents of their role and what is going on throughout the process bound together by everyone working in harmony in the best interests of the child.

This may be a big wish and is very much a work in progress but there are definite signs for optimism.  We look forward to playing a small part in ensuring that sport and physical activity is enjoyed by all parties and continues to provide inspiration for the next generation of children.

If we can help support your programme in any way please do not hesitate to get in touch. We offer customised programmes with real flexibility that will work for you, your sport and your environment. Send an email to gordon@wwpis.co.uk to book a free consultation.

This is one of the questions we ask all parents to ask their children in our sessions followed up with, ‘What is motivating you most at the moment?’

Two very simple questions but so very important and answers will vary depending on the age/stage and the environments the children find themselves in. We see this a lot when working with young athletes. Young people could well be consistently upgrading their answer.

What they answer today, may be very different to what they say in 3 months time, 6 months time or even 3 years time, meaning the need for regular check ins is essential.

Why do we need to know the answer as parents to these two very simple questions?

Because to collaborate with our children and to be able to help support them effectively particularly on those days when things have not gone according to plan and they are disappointed or are struggling for motivation, one of our hooks into conversation is simply being able to align our messaging with what they have already told us.

In live sessions with both parents and children we can often see misalignment in why parents think they are doing their sport and the reasons the children give.

Particularly, with younger children many will say because it is ‘fun’ and I ‘enjoy’ it, however, what does that actually mean, what is fun and enjoyable for them can be totally different for someone else.

If you look at how young people describe fun in the graphic (wonderful work by Amanda Visek) you can see the wide range of answers that are given. That is why we need to understand and work with our own children, their reasons and their motivations as opposed to trying to tell everyone how they should think and feel.

Great communication, aligned messaging and co-collaboration are just some of the essential tools that we need in our sports parenting toolkit.

Let us know how your children responded?

Was it different to what you thought?

Has it allowed you to reflect on how you are currently supporting?

Steel Sports is a social impact organisation committed to creating a new standard in youth sports and coaching while forging the next generation of leaders.

Their programmes look to develop individuals both on and off the field through building character, strengthening leadership skills and teaching life lessons, something that aligns with a huge part of the mission here at ‘WWPIS.’

The first phase of the project will see exclusive WWPIS content being shared across the whole Steel Sports Community along with live workshops and webinars for coaches, parents and young athletes. Work is already underway on the customisation of a number of resources to also help support the whole organisation.

CEO Gordon MacLelland will also join an illustrious line up by becoming an advisory board member which already includes sports legends, champions and trailblazers like Dusty Baker, Nancy Lieberman, Robbie Earle and Morgan Stickney.

Gordon added, ‘My excitement for this project is twofold. Firstly, that our missions are so aligned in what both parties are trying to achieve and secondly to be able to bring our experiences from working with sports organisations all over the world from grassroots to high performance to all Steel Sports stakeholders by becoming a member of the advisory board is such a privilege. 

We know that collaboration is key in super charging programmes and this partnership is one we are very much looking forward to.’

‘This partnership with WWPIS and Gordon is an exciting leap forward for Steel Sports and the Lasorda Way app,’ said Martin Brown, President & CEO of Steel Sports. ‘Gordon’s insight into parent engagement is second to none. His content and counsel will help us empower families to play an active, positive role in youth sports, and his contributions will take our app and our impact to the next level.’