With large numbers of sports globally struggling to maintain and improve their participation numbers at junior levels,  what can we do as sporting parents to help to try and buck this trend?

Here are a few ideas that will give your child the best possible of chance of gaining the most from their sporting experience.

Sports Parenting Tip 1 – Do your job!

The role of the parent of a child who plays sport is far more important than they – the parents – realise.

Think of the coach, the athlete and the sports parent as partners: a team united and committed to helping children to be all they can be.

Each of these partners – the coach, the athlete and the sports parent have very clear roles and responsibilities.

Coaches Coach – They provide technical leadership, physical training, skills development opportunities, instruction of tactics and strategies and help to foster in young athletes that most important athletic quality of all: a love of the sport.

Children – all we can ever really ask of them is to give the best they’re capable of.

Sports Parents……what do you do? Many, many important things including:

• Consistently provide unconditional love, support and acceptance of their child not for what the child does – but for who they are as a human being;
• All the practical things….paying the bills, providing shelter, driving children to sports training, to school etc.
• Building and nurturing values like honesty, integrity, humility, courage, respect, discipline and sincerity.
• Building and nurturing character traits like commitment, confidence, resilience, hard work and dedication.

The importance of consistent and committed quality sports parenting is critical.

Why?

Because it’s the parents who are largely responsible for helping to develop the person who plays, practices and performs.

Physical talent – when it comes to young children – is over-rated. All it (physical talent) does is get sporting children recognised and opens the door to junior sports development programs and junior representative teams.

What’s far more important than physical talent – (noting that physical talent is harder to hide than it is to find) – are the human qualities: values, virtues and character traits and it is parents who – more than coaches, more than teachers, more than anyone else in the child’s life, who build and grow these core attributes of human beings.

Sports Parenting Tip 2: Don’t do their job!

I love my children.

And I know you love yours too.

And I know that because you love them so much that you want to do it all for them…fill their drink bottles, clean up their dirty sports gear, empty their dirty sports bags, pick up their wet towels, set their alarms, carry their bikes, clean their football boots, adjust their googles…I understand it – I get it – I really do.

But…you’re not helping them.

Three essential qualities for a young athlete to develop are:

• To be independent – to do it for themselves;
• To learn responsibility for every aspect of their training, preparation and performance;
• To accept accountability for the decisions they make and don’t make in their sporting life.

We know that confidence is important – not just in sport – but in every aspect of life.

And we know that confidence comes from knowing: and that knowing comes from doing.

By doing everything for your sporting children, you’re actually achieving the exact opposite of what they need from you: you’re creating dependence while not allowing them to learn responsibility or to accept accountability.

The lesson is simple: STOP DOING IT!

Teach your sporting children to do all the little things: to take responsibility for all those small jobs and seemingly tiny tasks and as they learn more – and as they can do more – watch them grow in confidence every day.

Sports Parenting Tip Number 3: Never give up on doing your job!

Your children will face challenges throughout their lives.

Sometimes things will work out fine – and life will be wonderful.

Occasionally things won’t work out well and they’ll face hardship, pain, difficulty and heartbreak.

In sport – they’ll experience ups and downs, wins and losses, successes and failures…and it’s all normal: it’s all part of the life of someone who plays sport. No one can – or does – win all the time.

Throughout it all – across all the euphoric highs and the disappointing lows – you – as a sports parent – need to keep doing your “job”.

If they win: love them, accept them, value them and treasure every moment with them.

If they lose: love them, accept them, value them and treasure every moment with them.

For the sports parent, winning and losing are the same.

There can not be any difference in the way you think about – talk about or feel about your kids regardless of their sports results. 

It doesn’t mean you don’t feel their pain when they don’t achieve the sporting success that they – and you – feel they might deserve. And it doesn’t mean you can’t party with them when they score that winning goal or break a record or achieve something remarkable on the sporting field.

What it does mean is that as a sports parent, the way you love, accept and value your kids is not dependent on their sporting performances.

Too many parents talk about their kids as “the swimmer” or “the basketballer” or “the tennis player”.

In other words, they identify their children by what they do.

Of all the things a sports parent can do – this is perhaps the worst.

Your child – no matter how talented they may be – is not a swimmer or a basketballer or a tennis player….they are an amazing human being who just happens to swim or play or hit tennis balls. Their sport does not define them. It is not who they are.

However, if you take the time and make the effort to help them become the human being you know they can be, if you can help them learn and grow values and virtues, if you can help them to become independent through accepting responsibility and accountability in their lives….then – if they’ve got talent – they’ll make it.

If who they are defines what they do and not the other way around…you’ve done a brilliant job mum and dad: a job you can sincerely be proud of.

Summary:

1. Sports Parenting is an important job: it’s perhaps the most important job anyone in the sports industry can do. Sports parents can have a considerable influence – not just on their child’s ability to kick a ball or swim a lap or wave a racket – but more importantly they can positively and powerfully influence every aspect of their child’s life.
2. Focus on building, growing and nurturing that remarkable young person who lives in your house.If they can play sport well – that’s great. If they end up becoming a sporting champion – that’s marvelous. But when it comes down to it, what would you prefer – an Olympic Gold medal around their neck – or a wonderful, wide smile on their face – a smile which is there because they’ve become that happy, contented, humble, loving, selfless person you’ve always hoped they’d be?
3. All they need is love. If your child loves what they do, if they learn to love and accept themselves for who they are (i.e. and not for what they do) and if they know with absolute certainty that they are loved, valued and accepted by you for no reason other than they are your child….then the world – and all that’s in it – is theirs.

Thank you to our good friend Wayne Goldsmith for allowing us to adapt this piece. You can find the full and original article  here:

http://newsportfuture.com/sports-parenting/

Everyone’s got a theory to explain sport drop out.

“They were pushed too hard to early”.

“Life caught up with them and they wanted to try other things”.

“They became focused on their school grades and couldn’t continue training and playing competitive sport”.

But there is a way to decrease the sport drop out rate and it starts with understanding the three Sport Drop Zones.

Sport Drop Zone 1: Entry to High School/Secondary School(11 years of age)

At Sport Drop Zone 1, children are changing rapidly: developmentally, biologically, physically, emotionally and even geographically as they make the transition from being “little-kids” to “big-kids”.

In primary school they usually have one teacher, a small group of friends and a fun, family, friendships orientated learning environment. High school means many new teachers, new ideas, new friends and new ways of doing things. Their minds, their experiences and their engagement with the world is changing rapidly.

There are also significant developmental changes which underpin much of what the athlete thinks and does.

In sporting terms, Sport Drop Zone 1 is often the place where teachers and coaches encourage young athletes to play one sport or another and to start to specialise.

Sport Drop Zone 2: Entry to “Serious” High School(15/16 years of age)

Around their mid-teens, usually prompted by their parents and their school teachers, children start to consider their future a little more seriously.

The “big” question, i.e. “what do you want to do for the rest of your life” starts to become more important and a lot more serious and children are routinely told “it’s time” to start studying hard, to think about their future and to consider their possible career direction.

In many nations, where academic success is prized and valued far more highly than sporting success, kids in their mid-teens simply walk away from all competitive sport to concentrate on their school studies.

Athletes in this Sport Drop Zone are also experiencing several significant and important developmental, social and physical changes all of which have the potential to impact on their capacity, desire and ability to train for and play competitive sport.

Sport Drop Zone 3: Entry to University (or the Workforce)(18/19 years of age)

In Sport Drop Zone 3, the Entry to University (or the Workforce), athletes are facing considerable life changes.

For those athletes continuing their studies, there are pressures to gain entry into the “right” University, to be accepted into the “right” courses and the pressures of more practical challenges like finding affordable and appropriate accommodation. There’s the need to earn some sort of income to support themselves as they study. There’s a desire for independence and freedom, including in many cases the need to purchase a motor vehicle.

For many athletes, it’s not about University – it’s about finding a job: about gaining and retaining employment.

At each of these three Drop Zones, the developmental, social and other needs of athletes change considerably and as a result, what they are looking for in their sports experience – their sport “relationship” also changes.

Why is Knowing and Understanding Sport’s Drop Zones Important?

We know that the number of children who are committed to playing and competing in competitive sport all over the world is dropping rapidly.

We also know that sporting organisations, sporting clubs and governments across the globe are all rushing to find effective solutions to address this situation by introducing a wide range of new ideas such as “modified” versions of sport, shorter and more dynamic “games” based on different sports, “E” versions of sport and more flexible “community-based” sporting options.

Ultimately however, people will do what they love doing.

They will make time to do the things that they feel are of value, are rewarding, are meaningful and are providing them with an experience they enjoy.

The main reason children drop out of sport is that they stopped loving what they do. Plain and simple.

They fell out of love with their sport and they found something else to focus their time, energy and “love” on.

If any relationship falls apart – a marriage – a business partnership – a friendship – or an athlete-sport relationship – the first question has to be…”why”?

 Why Children Fall Out of Love with Their Sport: Explaining Sport Drop Out.

There are many reasons why children fall out of love with their sport including:

1. It stopped being fun. This is without doubt the number one reason athletes drop out at each of the sport drop zones.
2. The athlete developed and progressed – but their coach didn’t. Coaches need to learn, to grow and to develop at a rate as fast – or even faster than the athletes they are coaching.
3. Their coach didn’t adapt, change and innovate in line with the athlete’s changing needs. It is unreasonable to expect that an athlete will continue to accept the same coaching methods and coaching techniques at 18 years of age as they did when they were 8.
4. Their friends – their peer group – all moved on to something or somewhere else. Coaches, Sporting Clubs and sports generally should place far more emphasis on creating, building and maintaining environments where peer groups can grow and flourish as athletes change and mature.
5. Another “relationship” became more appealing. Athletes who are not enjoying their sport “relationship” or if their sport “relationship” doesn’t meet their needs, will seek another relationship.
6. The sport’s competitive structure didn’t change or adapt as the athlete’s needs changed. Far too many sports offer the same competitive structure, the same meets, the same tournaments etc. for athletes in their late teens as they do for athletes in their early teens.

Real Life Story:

A parent wrote to me recently and asked for advice. Their daughter was turning 15 and entering “serious” high school, i.e. Sport Drop Zone 2.  She was a good student and had aspirations of studying law at University one day. She was also a very well performed basketball player who had represented her state at national championships level. 

The athlete decided to take on some additional studies to help in her long-term plan to be accepted into a good University law program which meant she would be late for her basketball training sessions.

She went to her coach and discussed the situation, offering to stay back and do extra training to make up for the lost time or to follow a training program she could do in her own time to make sure she was continuing to prepare to the level he expected. 

Her coach said, “If you can’t be here on time, you’re obviously not serious about basketball and there’s no place for you on this team”.

Completely shattered and disillusioned at the coach’s lack of flexibility and understanding, the young athlete dropped out from basketball all together. 

 How to STOP the DROP – stopping the Sport Drop Out Phenomenon – Three Tips!

1. School teachers don’t teach advanced calculus to 11 year olds. And they don’t teach simple arithmetic to 17 year olds. Tailor your coaching and athlete development activities to be appropriate for the age and “stage” of the kids you’re working with.
2. Adapt your training and competition structures to the changing needs of the kids in your programs. If your training and / or competitive structures do not change as the athletes in your sport grow, change, mature and develop, expect to see a significant drop out rate.
3. Take time to understand the rationale behind the Sport Drop Out phenomenon and more importantly take time to understand the unique developmental changes each athlete is experiencing at each of the Sport Drop Zones.

 Summary:

• All sports experience the Sport Drop Out problem. The challenge is – what are YOU and YOUR sport going to do about it?
• Sports who take time to understand the reasons behind their sport’s drop out pattern can develop ways of making sport more engaging, exciting, relevant and enjoyable for athletes at each of the drop zones and in doing so decrease the likelihood of the athletes severing their connection with the sport.
• Ultimately, people will stay connected with and engaged with experiences and relationships which they enjoy and that meet their needs. Knowing that – and accepting that athletes change in relatively predictable ways – coaches, clubs and sporting organisations can design and develop better ways of delivering sports experiences to everyone in their sport.

Thank you to Wayne Goldsmith who we have had the pleasure of connecting with here at WWPIS for contributing this guest blog to the site for the benefit of organisations, parents, coaches and athletes.  If you want to find out more about Wayne and the fantastic work that he does then please visit him at www.wgcoaching.com, he would be delighted to hear from you.